7 Ways to Fall in Love Despite Staggering Despair and Looming Clouds of Fury

For soft people in hard times

Sometimes I don’t have the words when I feel rage against the man, the machine, the oppressors, the police, the administration—so on and so forth. Sometimes I just need to take a breath, pause, write something about love, and tap back in.

In 2017, this piece was published in a lovely little periodical called Froot Magazine. It was the Love Issue. My world—and the world—was fraught, but this is what came out of me. Even though the publication no longer exists, I rediscovered the piece recently, and it felt right for the state of my world—and the world. Today and always, I can appreciate it again.

My little self. See number 7.

1. Find someone you see daily in your commute to work or session at the gym or evening walk with your dog (or all scenarios, for increased lovability). Start to change little things about yourself so they will notice. Wear that plumping lip gloss. Carry large, eye-catching coffee table books that could prompt discussion. Sneeze suddenly and explosively every time you pass this someone. Reroute your entire schedule so you might have a few moments a day to be near them. Daydream, night dream, plan future conversations and activities to do together. Repeat actions and intensify gaze until fruition.

2. Go to an animal shelter and surround yourself with kittens. Let them mew in both your ears. Let their tiny claws scratch your skin (blood can be drawn or not). Nuzzle the belly of at least five. Brainstorm ways you could bring them all home. You should probably get a set of brothers and/or sisters. Start naming them based on their color, fur patterns, meows, or with names you have always had enthusiasm for (Ex. Grey, Big Brown Spot On Face, Squeakers, Sebastian). When you finally pick one or two or three, contain the feeling of a tear in your heart, fill out the paperwork and bring your babies home. Discover emotions deep and dusty inside your heart and let them dictate the remainder of your life. (Note: kittens can be substituted with puppies, bunnies or lemurs.)

3. Visit a library or bookstore (or bookshelf). Pick out a really good book (you’ll know within minutes or pages). Get so excited you want to do nothing else but read. Take your book everywhere you go. Squeeze your book tightly to your chest. Smile, laugh and cry your way through the pages. Feel it all as if the characters are real. Let your life be forever changed and imprinted with those words.

4. Seek out a cafe at the intersection of two streets (specifically one with many windows and plenty of natural light). Breathe in deeply, as the scent of fresh croissants and ground coffee beans will make you glow. Try something different each time you visit. Smile and make direct eye contact with as many patrons, baristas, babies and bakers as you can. Flirt with as much butter, sugar, cream and chocolate as you want. Feel your softness and happiness grow.

5. Move to an island for a short period of time. Bicycle to the same beach every afternoon (3 p.m. is best). Prop your rusty, old bike against the sea wall (you won’t need a lock) and take the wooden stairs down to the sand. Find a spot near the jetty to put your towel and dry clothes. Even if there are a lot of shells and rocks and thick clumps of seaweed in the shallowest part of the water, don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Hurry up and get in, the water will feel great almost instantly. It’s cold and invigorating, but it is also life-changing. You can laugh into the sea, you can cry into the sea, you can even pee into it. There’s a warm spot at the end of the jetty that will make your heart ache, but it will also keep you going. You’ll never forget this and you’ll hardly be able to explain it.

6. See snow for the first time. When it really starts coming down, run out into it and open your mouth. Spin beneath the falling flakes. Study the moment so hard you’ll be able to see it from memory—precisely—in 10 years.

7. Look into a mirror. Smile. Frown. Stick out your tongue. Trace the bumps and lines with appreciation and wonder. Wiggle your eyebrows up and down. Laugh. Puff out your cheeks and then pop them with your palms. You are so good-looking. You are in love.